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That's all it takes these days to send a shooting pain into the lower left quadrant of my back. That's all it takes to make me double over for a split second, as my mind scans the nerves in my back to see if I can, indeed, stand back up.
That's all it takes.
What happened? How did I end up like this? I've spent the last twenty-one days, since that fateful 45-degree angle lean in my classroom, agonizing over it. Advil doesn't help. Muscle relaxants don't help. Percocet only helped because when I took it, I didn't give a damn about anything.
And that's no way to live.
It took a full week for me to be able to walk around somewhat comfortably. I thought the worst was over. And then I woke up a few days ago, that familiar pain in my left hamstring, that invisible tugging on my spine, that let me know that I had done something wrong - slept in a weird position? Knelt down for just three seconds too long? Neglected to ice my back that tenth time?
Am I walking too much? Too little? Should I be stretching my muscles out more? Less? Should I be taking it easy, allowing my body to heal? Should I be pushing myself back into flexibility?
I simply don't know.
All I know is that I don't want to be one of those people with chronic pain. The kind of pain that is always there, even in your happiest moments, causing you to see the world through a slightly grey filter. The kind of pain that keeps you from doing the things you love, even if those things are simple things like doing a jigsaw puzzle.
Or writing.
I
want
this
to
stop.
I
need
this
to
stop.
Have you tried accupuncture or chiropractor? I suffer from sciatica that runs from my very lower back to my legs. I have had flare ups where I can't even pick things up from the floor without crying. One of the most helpful things I did for myself was get physical therapy, where they taught me exercises that help me prevent further injury. I hope you find some relief soon!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the advice, Jill. I go to an osteopath every three - six weeks, more often when I have a flare-up. I've gotten a referral to both a spine specialist and physical therapy. After I have my spine evaluated by the specialist, I'll definitely start physical therapy. Keeping those core muscles strong and staying flexible is really important, you're right!
DeleteThis does sound bad: unfortunately, I can relate. I have done PT for my back and I have a little advice: if it doesn't seem to be working, try again with another PT. Getting yourself to a point where you can slowly strengthen those core muscles without aggravating your back more is key, but it might take a few tries to figure out how to do that. I've done some helpful things with yoga: a yoga class for back pain, a yoga therapist, a yoga DVD series for the back. I hope you start getting ahead of this soon. There can be a lot of little things that put together will help (more ergonomic chair, driver's seat, better mattress, etc.)
ReplyDelete