Juice Cleanse: Day 1 Diary
(except this isn't really a diary; some things have been exaggerated because let's face it, it's funnier that way)
10:00 - Juice arrives via Fed Ex. I'm so excited, I nearly kiss the delivery man. (This is an example of exaggeration - the delivery guy was all sweaty and gross and I wouldn't have kissed him anyway because my husband looks like Bradley Cooper)
10:02 - Open the box; looks like it belongs in space - all metallic and cold due to the packing supplies. Ooh, along with my juice, I get a handy dandy insulated bag and a dozen ice packs! Score!
10:03 - First juice of the day. Green juice. Tastes like a green juice I had at Great Sage once. Earthy but sweet. It's amazing how sweet it is, even though the only fruit in it is apple. Nature is amazing.
11:00 - I have to pee.
11:05 - I have to pee.
11:10 - I have to pee.
11:15 - I have to pee.
12:00 - Time for the pineapple juice. It's tasty! It tastes like a cocktail, minus the booze. I might have to remember this flavor combination when I'm not cleansing and want a cocktail.
12:45 - I WANT TACO BELL.
1:00 - WHY DID I DO THIS? I WANT NACHOOOOOOOOOOS!!
1:30 - I can't take it anymore! Third juice! What?! More green? Oh well, at least it's yummy. I don't know what people were complaining about - I love the green juice!
2:00 - Why aren't I hungry? I should be hungry by now, or perhaps just feeling icky, because I so didn't prep the few days beforehand like they recommended. I kept saying, Oh, my cleanse doesn't start for another three days - I can have another helping of potatoes. And before I knew it, I was saying, Oh, crap, my cleanse starts in six hours - I shouldn't have had that pie… And yet I feel great!
4:00 - More juice! Hey, this is just like that Master Cleanse stuff - remember that episode of The Office when they were trying as a group to lost weight? Kelly was so Master Cleansing! Hilarious! I gotta watch that again…oh, here it is!
6:10 - I am positive this must be staining my teeth like Angela's from that episode of The Office, where she's doing the beet cleanse in preparation for carrying Dwight's child. And I probably shouldn't be drinking this while sitting on our white quilt. That's just tempting fate.
8:00 - Final juice of the day; Cashew milk! Oh, so creamy! Oh, so sweet! Oh, so loaded with fat and protein! Oh my gracious! This almost makes up for that icky beet juice..
9:00 - Bedtime - because I have the sleep schedule of an old, old lady.
9:15 - Darn it. I have to pee.
10:30 - Darn it. I have to pee again.
11:30 - Again?! Perhaps this is why they tell you to try to finish your last juice at least two hours before bedtime…
12:00 - 8:00 - Zzzzzz……….
Juice Cleanse: Day 2 Diary
Juice Cleanse: Day 3 Diary