#NYE2013: Snippets

Checked into hotel.  Sitting at hotel bar.  Witness some "lady of the night" activity.  Confirmed by the presence of the Trollop Trifecta: false eyelashes, long pointed fingernails, and paying for one's drink with a stack of one dollar bills.  This is gearing up to be an interesting evening.

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Friends have arrived.  As soon as we finish our hellos I launch into the above story because I cannot contain myself any longer.  Feel like the country girl visiting the big city who is stunned at the sight of things that city people don't even notice anymore.

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Time to get ready.  Finish blow drying my hair.  It looks amazing.  Look at me, I am flawless.  Just a quick blow dry and my hair has all the bounce and pep of a kicky cheerleader.  Oh wait.  It's already flat.  It was nice while it lasted.

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I'm exhausted.  How is it only 8:30?

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We make our entrance into the ballroom.  It's dark and clubby.  I am surrounded by twenty-somethings wearing the current trend in dresses: short and tight.  It looks like a Pretty Woman convention in here.  I, on the other hand, am wearing a floor-length gown and my body is tucked into so many layers of Spanx that if I bend over my belly button is likely to shoot out the back of my dress.  I feel old and fat.  Time for a cocktail.

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I love juniper berries, because they make gin.  And gin is wonderful.  I am wonderful.  I am a wonderful, fabulous woman.  Screw all these skinny girls.  I will walk all over them with my magnificence.

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Quick trip upstairs to our room to liberate myself from girlie tyranny.  Goodbye, Spanx and heels.  Hello deep breaths and tennis shoes!  I have won the award for Most Fantastic Idea of the Night.  I'd like to thank God for his inspiration, Sous Chef for chaperoning the transformation, and my long evening gown for covering up my worn-out sneakers.

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SO MUCH EASIER TO DANCE WHEN YOUR FEET ARE NOT TEETERING ON TOOTHPICKS.

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I am queen of the photo bombs.  Maybe someone will notice my face in all these pictures from tonight and I will be invited to some sort of photo bombing scavenger hunt.

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10 seconds to go!  Where did all these people come from?  Are we still properly stationed below the balloon drop spots?  Why do people keep spilling their beer on my pretty evening gown?  Ah, now I understand the sausage dresses - smaller Spill Zone.

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I love Sous Chef and popping balloons and cheering and confetti and tennis shoes and breathing and dancing and bottled water and pretty dresses and silly headbands and friends and now it's time for bed.

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Happy New Year.