And I haven't been watching the Olympics.
When you hurt your back, everything stops. Physically, you can't move well, if at all. Mentally, the majority of your brain power is divided between remembering to avoid certain movements and keeping a constant record of the location and severity of the pain. Emotionally, you have to constantly coax yourself out of the feeling that there is no light at the end of the tunnel; that you will be in pain forever.
So you see, I've been a bit distracted for the last two weeks.
My back improved enough this week that I was able to stop laying on my bed and hobbled into the living room to lie down there. And what was Sous Chef watching? The Olympics!
All right! This was my chance to wave my proverbial stars and stripes and cheer on the home team. I was excited, elated, and for a moment I forgot how much my back hurt. From my station on the living room floor, I took it all in:
Hooray! Figure skating! My favorite Olympic sport! Wow, Evgeni Plushenko has had multiple back surgeries and has an artificial disc but he's still back to skate?! Amazing! If he can do it, I can do it! This is just what I need to remind me that this, too, shall pass. Go, Plushenko!
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| (AP Photo/Ivan Sekretarev) |
Whoa. What just happened? He was warming up and did a spinny jumpy thing, and he landed all weird and now he's bent over and...oh...oh no...
I know that look on his face - to everyone else, it looks like he's just gazing at the ice. But I can tell his real gaze is inward: How bad is it? Is it a muscle spasm or a disc? Can I move through it or do I have to stop? Evaluate. Gauge. Compute. Decide.
The look that says everything else is gone; there is only this.
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| (AP Photo/Vadim Ghirda) |
Sure enough, he skates over and tells the judges he can't compete. He leans on the side of the rink. I know that lean very well. I'm surprised he's standing at all.
As he waves goodbye to the crowd, he holds his lower back in a way that is all too familiar to me, as though he has sprung an invisible leak and his hand is the only thing stopping his core from collapsing from the loss of...whatever it is that is leaking.
My heart goes out to him; of all the times, of all the places, his back fails him here, while the world is watching. (Well, it actually happened nine hours ago, which kind of makes me mad at NBC for leading me on and making me think that he was going to skate when they knew full well that he wouldn't. Oh well. Drama gets better ratings.)
Poor Plushenko.
Two weeks ago, I Plushenkoed myself, forcing me into an involuntary hiatus from most of my everyday activities, the things I love to do. Everything has stopped. There is only this.
I see you, Mr. Plushenko.
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| (AP Photo/Ivan Sekretarev) |
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