Going South

I'm into my fourth week of the TurboFire workouts.  They are intense.  They are sweaty.  They are six days a  week.

And I have yet to lose any weight.

In fact, after this long holiday weekend, away from the common comforts and healthy meals of home, I have gained weight.  Five pounds, to be exact.  Five.  Now, the logical, rational, forgiving side of me is trying desperately to tell me it's okay, to remind me that the last time this happened, the five pounds were gone within a couple weeks - the easily-erased remnants of a few too many indulgences in a row.

Unfortunately, the logical, rational, forgiving side of me is relatively new, and because it is relatively new, it is relatively weak compared to the judgmental, punishing, critical side of me.  The side of me that is racing around my head and heart right now, saying, See, I told you you would eventually fail.  You always fail.  It's just a matter of time. You're not worthy of success.


It is this side of me that I have to face as I prepare to take yet another trip away from home, away from my safe bubble of recipes, natural markets, and a gym within walking distance.  I don't know what will happen; if I'll find the courage to treat myself well, and make respectful food and exercise choices, or if I'll say, Oh, screw it, I'm on vacation and I've gained weight anyway so what's the use?


Last night, we ate dinner at a Chinese restaurant.  At the end of the meal, when I broke open my fortune cookie, my heart was saying this:

Photo by TheFailSwales

In reality, my message read: A dream you have will come true.

I hope so.