Dolce Knows Best

I am deep in to my third day of a ten-day, much-needed break from work.  As I anticipated this vacation, I thought about how relaxing it would be to not have to wake up and be at the beck and call of twenty little children all day long.  I had visions of cups of tea and library books.  Gazing at my Christmas tree for hours at a time.  Snuggling up with my cats.  Catching up with Cook's Illustrated.  Seeing friends and family.

In a word, relaxing.

Apparently, I have forgotten how to do that.

Instead of taking a break, I have a lingering, nagging feeling all the time that I need to be doing something.  I've got a running list both in my head and down on paper of all of the things that I could, should, or must do over the next seven weekdays.  And I've got a lovely voice in my head telling me that if I'm not doing something then I am a foolish idiot for wasting this precious gift of extra time.  I'm spending so much time thinking of all the things I should be doing that it's making the execution of the things that I'm actually doing rather stressful.

Over many years of soul-searching, therapy, and self-help books, I have come to one undeniable conclusion: I need structure.  I am not a "free spirit", as it were.  I need a schedule.  A routine.  A stable expectation of what my life will look like on any given day.

Then, and only then, do I feel secure enough to blow all of that off and play WeTopia and Words With Friends all day long while putting on reruns of "The Office", "Friends", and "The Big Bang Theory" in the background.

But a "free day"?  With no structure or expectations?  That's a psychological souffle collapse waiting to happen.

I'm not sure what I will do to fix this, or how I will balance all of things I want to do with all of the things I need to do.

Honestly, I just wrote this to kill some time while my WeTopia energy built back up and my Friends played their Words.

Kidding.

Perhaps my thought processes can be best summarized in this picture:

Yes, this time of year may seem like a big mess, but isn't it much more fun to pretend it's not there and chillax instead?