I've felt kind of...lost and distracted. Like my willpower is weak and I don't have a grasp on my life. Like time is getting away from me. Like I will never be able to do enough.
I'm sort of just going through the motions. Here, but not really here. Very...split.
Do you ever have days (or weeks) (or months) like that?
I hope so. Not because I would wish this feeling on any of you; it's purely for camaraderie's sake.
I was feeling this feeling very deeply the other day when I was driving home from a family celebration. One where, once again, I ate lots of bad food, mainly sugar and fat. And I was feeling the effects: anxiety, puffiness, crankiness, depression, mental fogginess.
I've been struggling with this for so long. This damn battle between me and my food, particularly sugar.
Which is why, deep in my mental fog, this song registered so strongly for me when I heard it in the car on the way home from the party:
"No Sugar Tonight/New Mother Nature" by The Guess Who.
A song which, I'm 98% certain, is about drugs ("sugar" = LSD, "new mother nature" = weed), helped me connect to my uncertain relationship with food, and offered me a solution:
Screw sugar. Let Mother Nature take over.
Ironic how I can relate to a song about drugs, considering that I scored 90% on a purity test in college. But there's no question about it: when I eat sugar, especially when it's paired up with fat, it sets off a reaction in me that is hard to express. Call it addiction. Call it years of conditioning. Whatever you call it, it's a problem.
I've got two diabetic parents. I'm overweight. I've had issues with my hormones in the past.
So what the heck is stopping me from turning my life around, and taking control of my diet, and avoiding foods that will, in the end, lead to my demise?
Perhaps it's the fact that ingesting sugar lights up the same pleasure centers in the brain that are triggered by opioids. Yes, opioids, as in morphine. And heroin.
That'd be enough to get me hooked - going to a birthday party and eating a great big slice of heroin.
I know what I should do - treat sugar like a more socially accepted drug, like alcohol or cocaine, and quit. Done. Gone. NONE.
Would you be able to do it? Give up birthday cake? And ice cream? And chocolate? And snickerdoodles? And cinnamon rolls?
Would it be worth it?
Linking up with Yeah Write
Thank you for the post. I also have issues with some foods that I know I should give up (my father was diabetic) and with a long family history of medical issues that could possibly stem directly from a poor diet, I should be giving things up - or at the very least cut back. Is it worth it to give 'it' up? Sure. Is it feasible? Depends. I could never cut OUT chocolate, but could make a more concerted effort to cut back. It is hard. I hear ya. I hope things get better for you soon. You're not alone in feeling like you're in a weird place. We all go there, periodically. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the support!
Deletemmm...heroin pie...
ReplyDeleteJK. It's super hard to give that up. Sugar really IS my crack.
Well now I know the 3 votes Ima cast mine for this week.
ReplyDeleteAwesome post.
You and I have so much in common - we must meet for a coffee on this topic because it's too much info for me to go into here w. you - but seriously we should at least chat on the phone.
Thing that got my red flag up was you were "coming home from a FAMILY celebration." And you have 2 diabetic parents. Families are often loaded down with ways to behave around food and also recipes and what you SHOULD eat and often its something the adult you might have to - gasp! - rebel against, by saying no. But the problem is - it's so tricky, it's family. "Don't you love me? Why won't you eat this pie/sugary thing/crap I made that's really bad for you?"
So no wonder you left feeling all crazy-assed and topsy turvy.
Also you're right - sugar IS a drug and it's an addictive one, just as addictive in the song above.
Anything - for me - that comes from a leaf and moves thru serious processing to morph into a fine white powder - is dangerous. Some people will laugh but really it is a drug. And I struggle with it, and wheat and flour too - flour, another white processed powder.
Anyway I could go on for hours here.
Call me soon - we can chat more on this front if you want. (-:
I could talk all day about it, too. It's so clearly an addiction when I want to stop it, and I know I should stop it, and when I'm doing it I know it's going to hurt me, but I do it anyway. In fact, I think that might be the very definition of addiction!
DeleteFor me, it's salty. I love anything salty or spicy. And it's hard to give up that stuff, because honestly, it kind of makes me happy. I know that's not a good answer though. And I know it effects my body. No doubt. I need to make a change. I know I need to...and I should. I really should. But gosh, it's hard!
ReplyDeleteComing from year write #43.
Sugar should be an illegal substance. I have to agree that my fiancee and myself have both struggled to reduce its presence in our daily lives. And then when we succeed for a few weeks, it only takes one big slice of heroin to slide back into the sugar-eating habit. If only it didn't taste so good...
ReplyDeleteI'm totally with you! I always "quit" and then tell myself, "Oh, a little bit won't hurt me". But it's a VERY slippery slope, isn't it?
DeleteI appreciate your honesty here - this post is excellent.
ReplyDeleteWould it be worth it? Giving up all the sugary stuff... It would only be worth it if you got something out of it - for you. Most certainly, you can do whatever you set your mind to do - provided you aren't deterred by the 'freak out binge' that might occur the night before you curb your sugar consumption.
Diabetes is tough. My brother-in-law has Type 1, and at the age of 45 - it is really taking it's toll. My sister-in-law was cautioned by her doctor that her glucose levels are increasing, indicating Type 2.
It's hard - and yeah - it's an addiction. It's up to you.
I would certainly get something out of it - many things! Mental clarity, relief of achy joints, etc. I just have to be strong enough to resist it!
DeleteYou write in such an honest and open way, and I feel so connected to you. I too struggle with food. Fried and salty food are my crack, and I sometimes actually ask myself why am I eating this as I am chewing. It is an addiction, and the way in which you write about it actually choked me up today b/c it was as if you were writing from my point of view. Here's hoping your fog lifts soon!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lesley! I'm glad you could connect with me - that's part of the reason I write this blog in the first place!
DeleteI think it's so hard to give up because it tastes so darn good. No, I would not be able to give up cake, and cookies and ice cream and cupcakes and sugar in my coffee! Even though the effects are undesirable, it's a powerful drug to let go of.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that everyone should have to give it up. Not everyone has the addictive response I have (my husband is one of them!). I think in some ways it's easier to quit smoking than sugar - it's not like people pass around packs of cigarettes at birthday parties!
DeleteNope.
ReplyDeleteEven for those reasons you mentioned above, I just couldn't be able to do it. I wouldn't say I'm addicted to sugar (for the record I drink my tea usually plain or with honey) but when my body says "ICE CREAM NOW", then Ben & Jerry's it is!
I can't imagine giving up that stuff. I do try to limit my 2 year old's ingestion of them, hoping to set him down a better path than I'm on.
ReplyDeleteThis is so honest and I know that a LOT of people can relate to this. I cannot imagine giving up sugar. Or flour. Or any of the stuff that's bad for you. So I can (or cannot!) imagine how incredibly difficult it would be for someone that IS seriously addicted to it. Thanks for sharing this Elizabeth.
ReplyDeleteI really feel for people who struggle with sugar addiction like they would any other addiction. I mean, I have a total sweet tooth but, at the same time, I know my limits. And so I sort of subscribe to the "eat everything in moderation" line of thinking.
ReplyDeleteBut for me, the Internet is my sugar or heroin or whatever you want to call it. I'm really starting to realize I have an addiction to it in that I can't go long periods without it and know I could never actually give it up entirely. Which sounds so pathetic to admit "out loud." So, while it's not entirely the same thing, I do understand your plight in principle - any addiction to an unhealthy "substance" is detrimental.
This is really interesting. Sugar is such a huge part of our diets. Processed foods are laden with it and parties are just not true celebrations without it. We're shooting ourselves in the foot.
ReplyDeleteI'm a sugar addict myself. I automatically turn to it when stressed. I do, however, eat less sugar than I did a couple of years ago, because I noticed how bad it made me feel when I ate too much. I need to cut it out more and probably the best way for me to do that is to find a replacement for the sugar when I'm stressed. And for me, that's probably got to be exercise.
This is a great post.
Isn't it funny to think that if someone were to offer us a giant slice of heroine, we'd recoil in horror and run shrieking from the room? But if someone offers us a giant slice of chocolate cake, we pounce on it like a hungry leopard onto a defenseless zebra? I battle sugar, too. I CRAVE it when I don't eat it. I'll turn to the crappiest source of sugar and binge if I haven't eaten any in awhile (can you say old and stale Little Debbies from the gas station?) Thanks for sharing your thoughts--it's definitely got my wheels turning.
ReplyDeleteUm, no. I would not be able to do it. I had a gestational diabetes scare with my last pregnancy, and I about died at the thought of no alcohol, no diet pop, no soft cheeses, and NO SUGAR???? It was too much to bear.
ReplyDeleteI think Ado nailed it: it's the combo of family AND sugar (or, in my family's case, booze): why won't you just have one glass (cupcake/slice)...we're CELEBRATING. And then there are the raised eyebrows, perhaps a little conversation, some awkward pauses...ugh. Hard to draw those boundaries for ourselves when the people we love are pushing against those boundaries == because they love us...or maybe because they would rather that we not change behaviors in ourselves that they don't want to see in themselves. That's a really tough combination you've got going there and there aren't any easy answers. "Just say no" is easy to say, but it's really hard to put into practice. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteSugar is my cryptonite but I can say NO! What I have contributed more than anything to the battle of sweets is teaching my kids about the value of low sugar and eating right. Our kids read the labels and if it doesn't say 10 grams or less we don't get it! We still let them have cake at B-days or ice cream as a special treat. Moderation is the key. Lastly my daughter and I were looking through a photo album and she saw a picture of me thinner and it honestly surprised her. She said I want you to look like that. I said I am trying and she looked at me and said "then you can't have any sugar!" We made a deal that if I lost 10lbs by her B-day I could have a piece of cake. I did. I politley declined a piece but she told me a did good and deserved it. I reluctantly had a piece and then another one and ....well you get the picture. Next morning I weighed in 4lbs heavier! Lesson learned! The BIGGEST motivation for me is my kids and I refuse to be that parent that can't run and play with my kids. Good luck everyone in your battle. Weigh yourself EVERY single day. It will make a huge difference.
ReplyDeleteI voted for this fantastic piece and am gobsmacked that it didn't make it into the top 5 this week! Humph.
ReplyDeleteWell in my mind this one is a winner!!
I have struggled with the same feelings you describe for the last 20 years! I have come to accept the fact that I can't completely give up sugar and butter and flour and those foods that take me to my happy place. What I have been successful at doing (most of the time) is moderating these things with really good things like kale and brussels sprouts and more than anything - exercise! I fall off the wagon frequently but then I get up 30 minutes early and do kickboxing and try to go for a quick walk at lunch! What I am trying to say is that I feel your pain friend. :)
ReplyDeleteAwww! I'm sorry you aren't feeling great - and I certainly know the feeling. I'm highly addicted to sugar - put anything with sugar in front of me and it will be gone in two seconds. And then of course I feel like crap after my blissful sugar high disappears.
ReplyDeleteTo help the sugar battle and "restart" my mind, I've decided to give up all sugar (with the exception of fruit) for lent. I know its only 40 days but I'm hopeful that it will reset my thinking!