Me and Sugar

Kim and I have been discussing sugar a lot lately.  She supports elimination as opposed to moderation when it comes to the sweet stuff.  I have been quietly resisting this advice for weeks.  What can I say?  When it comes to food, I'm quite high-maintenance.

I spent a couple weeks dutifully following Kim's guidance, completely eliminating all processed foods, including sugar.  I wasn't even eating fruit.  I felt absolutely amazing.  Better than I think I have ever felt in my entire life.  I know I tend towards exaggeration, but I'm not even stretching the truth here: I felt fantastic.

Then I decided I was doing so well, I could have a little sugar.

Because that makes so much sense.

You know the term "tempting fate"?  That's exactly what I did.  I made cupcakes for a friend's birthday.  I bought a little dark chocolate so I could have a "treat" every now and then.  I bought regular, sugar-laden coffee creamer.  Because a little creamer in my morning coffee won't hurt, right?

Fast-forward to today, when I ate three-quarters of an artisan chocolate bar in the blink of a gingerbread man's eye, snuck about ten almond Hershey kisses, and added about three servings of Cinnabon-flavored creamer to my otherwise perfectly healthy herbal tea.  I now feel sick and achy and cranky.

Let's face it: I have a f*&%ing problem.

Here's an excerpt from the email I just sent to Kim:

Okay, forget everything I've said about sugar up until this point.

Bottom line: I need to quit.  It makes me feel sick.  It makes me feel out of control.  It gives me a headache.  It makes me puffy.  It makes my back hurt.  It makes me irritable.  It shortens my temper to a micro-second.  It hurts my pancreas.  It makes me fat.  It makes me sore.  It makes me tired.

So here we go, folks.  I am going to really, really try to quit.  I say "try" because as anyone else with any sort of substance abuse problem knows, abstaining from whatever your drug of choice is is very difficult.  When I worked with reformed drug addicts, I used to get so frustrated when they would slip up.  Then one day, my boss told me, "Welcome to the world of addiction.  They use.  They quit.  They do really well for a while.  Then they have a relapse.  The good news is, it's usually not as bad or as long-lived as their former habit - but they still have to start over, and that can be very hard."

I am not a clean-cut, one-and-done person.  I believe that few people, when they are totally honest with themselves, are.  I have quit sugar a thousand times.  I will probably have to re-quit it again in the future.

But at least I am trying.