Now imagine that this friend is your extra weight.
You're now a thirty-two year old woman, and you've decided to end the longest "friendship" of your life; she's shaped you in every way a person can be shaped, and you've told her, "No more. Goodbye."
She's pissed. She's heartbroken. And she's going to do whatever she can to change your mind.
Here are some of the words she whispers deep within your bones, behind a locked door whose only key is worn around her neck:
"Your face won't look the same. You won't recognize your own reflection."
"When he asked you to marry him, we were together. What if he doesn't like you without me?"
"Your boobs will be saggy, along with your hips and thighs and belly and arms and knees and neck. That skin has been stretched for far too long to ever go back. You'll look like a starving elephant."
"Men will look at you again. Suddenly, they will notice you. You remember what happened the last time you were even close to thin: that bad man Hurt you. The thinner you get, the more likely you are to get Hurt. I will protect you."
"You won't be able to look at pictures of us together, because they will disgust you. After all we've been through, how could I disgust you?"
"What if your life isn't better when I'm gone?"
*****
A significant change takes significant risk. It takes courage and determination and a voice bigger than the one trying to keep you the way you are. It takes stepping out of your comfort zone, a zone that has protected you and, in its own twisted way, loved you.
But aren't these the changes most worth fighting for?
I think if you are focused on losing weight for the right reasons...ie health and your own self esteem then you're going to succeed at it. If it's to please someone else, then it will come back on the minute you are unhappy or that relationship ends. We, as women are constantly bombarded with media that portrays skinny women as beautiful. You have to look past that and find your own comfort level about your body. I love reading your blogs. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteI feel that way about losing weight, too. I feel like I shouldn't look thinner than I did on my wedding day. That it would be wrong because you are "supposed to look the best you have ever looked in your life on your wedding day." I have to keep reminding myself that I looked the best in my life on my wedding day up until that point. Even I didn't look the best in my life on my wedding day, does it matter? The fact is you have to give yourself the right and acceptance to change your body the way you want it to change. The past is the past! Moving forward and forge ahead and meet your goals. Accept who you were then and accept who you are now and what you want to be. To live in the past, you will never appreciate what you have now and what you can be. You are still yourself no matter what changes physically :) -Liz H.
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